I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
