Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize