mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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