so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
