Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
