I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
