I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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