I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
