Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
