did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize