you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
