i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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