He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
