I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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