Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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