Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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