We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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