I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
