after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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