the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
