she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize