I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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