I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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