It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
