That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
