I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
then he tried to convert me to islam
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
