what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
