My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
