i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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