Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
