I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
