i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
