I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize