girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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