This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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