Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
