The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
