The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
