there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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