I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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