i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is the high leading the old right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I touched a dick in church today
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
