Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
