so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
