it wasn't lemon gatorade
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
