Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
