Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
