This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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