It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
did i walk over a car last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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