Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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