So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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