the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
