remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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