Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
