brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
