Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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