I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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