I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
