Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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