im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it's great music for shaving your balls
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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