If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
