Say something about gay babies.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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