I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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