PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
