how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize