I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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