He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
