I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize