I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
