hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
