they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
