the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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