Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
