i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
