Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter

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(507): View more from Minnesota

You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

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(480): View more from Arizona

Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night

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(303): View more from Colorado

But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

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(248): View more from Michigan

yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.

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(815): View more from Illinois

He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life

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