i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
