Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize