Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
