well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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