I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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