I hope mine doesn't look like that
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
