Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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