So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
