lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize