I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
