what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
