i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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