kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I will pee on everything he values.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
