the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
