Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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