i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
